Megaman: Parody Network
by The master of parody
Summary: In this parody of teh battle network series, Lan and Megaman.exe must contend with pop up ads, spam email, and spyware as they try to stop a distant relative of wily's from turning all navis to the insufficient light side of the force. Chapter 5 now up!
1. Junkman jacks in

Disclaimer: I do not own Capcom or the Megaman franchise. (I don't pawn or school them either- they're tough!)

Megaman: Parody Network

Chapter 1: Junkman Jacks in

In the year 20XX, in between the 5th and 6th games in the series (The reason it's always that year is that it was the only way that the wicked Calendar King could be defeated, but that's another story), it was, if you did not now Megaman or Lan, what appeared to be a serene day in the aforementioned character's home.

"Megaman, I think you have spy-ware," Lan said into his P.E.T. "What ever gave you that idea?" "Gee, I don't know… Maybe it's the fact that you have that stupid spy camera out, or that Mission Impossible music you keep humming, or the fact that you demand to be put in a position where you can see my mom' credit card bills." "Shut up and jack me in." "Okay, okay, fine." Lan jacked Megaman in, but not before giving in to an insane urge to shout "Jack in! Megaman execute!".

"So, what is it you planned to do?" Lan said to his navi. "I'm going to find the mysterious benefactor who keeps leaving behind green and blue data for us." "And thank him?" "Mug him. I have a feeling I'm going to need a lot of Hp memory to get through this adventure." Megaman chose a place that looked like a likely candidate for blue mystery data to be placed, and waited there, ready to ambush whoever left that stuff there.

He was interrupted of course, by a virus. "Stupid random encounters" he muttered, stomping on the metetaur repeatedly. A shockwave chip shot out of a slot on the top of Lan's computer, and hit Lan in the face. "Ahh! My eye! Megaman, did you change the speed on the chip dispenser slot again?" "No," he answered in the most innocent sounding voice he could muster. "But what you're saying is, is that when I do this" Megaman crushed another metetaur "or this" A cannon virus met deletion due to a mega-buster. "it hurts you?" he finished.

2 more chips shot out and hit Lan's face. "Ow, yes!" "Hmm…" Megaman walked up to a cyber store, and handed the sales-navi a 10,000 zenny note. "Quick, as many of your cheapest chip as this can buy!" "Megaman you jack-" Lan didn't get a chance to finish the sentence, but you can bet the phrase he was going to use wasn't "jack out" A flurry of chips shot out of Lan's computer causing him to duck for cover. "You're lucky the toilet's too small to flush you!" Lan hollered.

Later that day… "Ahh! Those are my personality programs! I thought I locked those!" "The spy-ware you have messed up your lock. But say goodbye to your precious programs!" Lan's laughter as he deleted them bordered on maniacal. Just then he heard his mother telling him to take out the trash. Lan groaned and did this tedious chore. He jacked Megaman back in. "At least I don't have to do chores in cyberworld," he thought. "Lan, take out the trash" Megaman said in a monotone voice as he pointed to the recycle bin.

Lan moaned, but clicked on the virtual trash receptacle. "Wait, scans revealing a virus in the recycling bin file," Megaman said calmly. "What sort of virus would infect the recycle bin?" Lan wondered. "Creating a visual now…" his navi continued. What Lan saw was a navi that looked as if it had been constructed entirely from a junkyard. "At least it doesn't look very threatening." Lan taunted the navi with this fact. "No, don't tell me you're going to (gasp) restore my files in there!" Lan mocked.

"Excellent guess,"said the navi, (who was called Junkman , for future reference) and proceeded to do just that. "Wait," thought Lan, "Megaman's personality files are in there! Shoot!" Within seconds, Megaman snapped back to his normal self, and glared at Lan angrily. "Off to screw others!" Junkman declared before escaping into the internet. "I wonder what a virus that can restore trash could do…"

Lan didn't have to consider the implications very long, as, soon enough, he got an e-mail from scilab. "Megaman, what's that mail say?" "I've decided that from now on, I'm going to demand money for these types of services" Megaman said. Lan rolled his eyes and hit the mail button on his P.E.T. "If only there was a "mindless slave" button" he thought. The mail explained that a weird Navi was rooting through their recycling bin files, looking for certain classified data that could be very bad if it got into the wrong hands.

"Why can't they ever do anything about it?" Lan wondered. At scilab, a few minutes earlier… "Is there not one person here who does not have a Navi called Pansy-man or Wimp-man?" Everyone just shrugged. A loud groan followed in turn. But back at Lan's house, Megaman answered the question. "I don't know. But why do we always help them?" "Because they pay a lot." "I never get any of the dough! I refuse to go on this stupid mission unless you use some of the reward to buy me some Hp-memory!" "Fine," Lan said.

One paragraph later, they were at the recycle bin of sci-lab. True to their word, Junkman was digging through the various files here. "We need to stop him!" Lan declared. "Why do you always have to state the obvious?" asked Megaman. "It makes up 80 percent of our game's dialogue." "Oh." Megaman didn't want to get in a battle where he would probably get killed, so he decided he would try to negotiate with Junkman. "Negotiate this!" The navi pulled a large trash can out of nowhere, and it shot out trash like a bazooka, blowing Megaman against the wall.

Lan inserted a air shot chip and a long sword chip. Megaman blew away the trash surrounding him with the first one, and then activated the sword and charged towards Junkman, yelling out a battle cry, which soon changed into a battle yelp of pain as the unfortunate navi slipped on a well placed banana peel. Junkman got out a book and started looking through it. "Aha! Here it is! You fell for the 29th oldest trick in the book!" But this gave Megaman time to pick himself up and resume his charge.

Just as his light saber rip off was about to connect with Junkman's neck, it fizzled out, making Megaman look quite stupid. Junkman rolled his eyes and slugged Megaman with one of his sizeable fists. "Nooooo! He just faxed the contents of my trash can to my mom! Do something Megaman!" Junkman reached up, grabbed the custom meter, and broke it in two. "So much for any new chips…" muttered Megaman.

"Wait! What if we make our enemies fight each other?" "It's worth a try," said Megaman, who quickly phoned another navi. Within seconds, Plantman had arrived on the scene. "How'd you get here so fast?" "I just typed in the website's URL and hit enter! Duh!" "You mean I could've have been doing that all along?" wondered Megaman. Suddenly, in the real world, a man in a suit and tie walked in. "Who are you?" asked Lan.

"I'm the CEO of Capcom, and there's a problem… Running from destination to destination takes up almost 95 percent of your games, so this is for your own good." He took out a large sledge hammer and hit Lan on the head with it, causing him to forget what just happened and fall unconscious. He then hacked into his P.E.T and deleted the memory from Megaman too.

In the internet… "Die you environmental polluting freak!" cried out Plantman. And the battle was on. Due to his thick skull, Lan recovered surprisingly fast, and jacked out Megaman. "Mission accomplished!" said Megaman. "Actually, we don't know who's going to win that fight… Maybe I should jack you back in…" "Batteries…giving…out…" Megaman turned himself off. "Well, I'm confident in plant man..." Lan went downstairs and listened to the news on the telephone. "In other news today, the navi for the head of the EPA just got the tar beaten out of him." "Well, maybe Plantman's ghost data will live on and finish the job…" "In an unrelated story, Ghostbusters is now back in action, after a dramatic sweep of the internet where they just finished clearing out all ghost data!" Lan almost cried.

So, how did you like it? Please review! The plot will become clearer later on.


	2. Bass busts in

Disclaimer: I do not own the Megaman or Capcom series

Chapter 2: Bass busts in ( I know the chapter names are corny, but there's nothing you can do about it! Bwahahaha!) 

"Uh-oh" thought Megaman. Lan had that evil look on his face again. "What are you going to do to me?" he demanded. Lan pointed out the window. There were two workmen carrying in a huge toilet. Big enough to flush a P.E.T. "Nooooooooooooo!"

Suddenly Lan flicked a switch, turning Megaman back on. "Who knew navis had nightmares?" he pondered. Lan walked back over to the computer and started loading something into it. "What are you doing?" "Putting blank chips into the computer. You seriously didn't think those chips came out of nowhere did you?" "Well, um…" "There's a little thing called conservation of matter you know. "Oh yeah? Well where does the money we get come from then?"

This time it was Lan's turn to look dumb. "Uhhh… The magic money printing fairy that lives in our computer?" "I don't believe in stupid stuff like that!" declared Megaman. "No, wait don't say that!" Lan started to say, but it was too late. A small shriek of pain emitted from the computer. Then there was couching choking, and then, silence. "Great! Now look what you've done!" shouted Lan. "Uh, oops…"

A little later, Megaman was on the net. "So what cruel task do you have for me this time?" "The toaster," Lan declared, "Has been corrupted." He held up a piece of burnt toast. "What? And how would going on the web help that?" "It's connected to the internet. Duh." Megaman looked like he was going to say an expletive, but stopped himself. "Okay… Deep breaths… Now why, would anyone, connect a toaster to the internet?"

"Well….So I can yell at it, and know that somewhere, a program has heard me, and is probably crying. It's great fun!" "You appall me. This time, I'm not going to help you. "Look, would you prefer to be jacked into the toaster itself? I've always wondered what a toasted P.E.T. looks like." "Okay okay! I'll help!"

Meanwhile, in some mountain fortress far away… "Excellent work, Junkman. Now all I need is 3 more pieces of data before I can… save 15 or more on my car insurance! And then, I shall use my now affordable car insurance to drive my car to my other mountain fortress, so I can finish my corrupto ray that I'm building there! Muwahahaha!" "Um, won't Megaman stop this plot like all the other 6 he foiled?" "Hmm, your right… I'll have to stop him before he gets too strong… I know just the way…"

Back on the web, Megaman had almost made it to the toaster's site. Suddenly a barrier came up, blocking him. "Click here to claim your free laptop!" Lan read. "Stupid pop up ads." Megaman fired his mega buster at it. Suddenly, 2 more ads sprung up behind him. Megaman swung around, firing at those. But the first one hadn't been deleted by the shot, and charged forward like a wounded animal, tackling Megaman to the ground. The other two piled on, and then more ads sprung up everywhere, burying him.

Suddenly, Megaman's arm burst out of the pile of pop ups. However, it wasn't connected to a body, ending the drama of it. A mysterious character watched. " I can't believe pop ups can kill a navi. said junk man. "Nevertheless, my plan worked. Now, back to business. However, If he had kept the monitoring screen on any longer, then he would have seen… his electric bill grow higher.

Lan was watching this too. "Yes! Dead! Finally! Now I can replace him with a navi that actually listens to orders!" "Lan, I'm not dead…insert a chip" A weak voice came out of his computer. "Shoot!" Lan shoved a potato chip into a slot on his P.E.T. When nothing happened, Lan said "Well, can't say I didn't try to save him…" and quickly muted his computer. However, although he didn't hear the signature whistle, he saw protoman come on to the screen in a flash of red.

"Protoman! Help!" yelled Megaman as loud as he could under the pop up ads. Protoman grabbed Megaman's severed arm, and ran off with it. "I wonder how much I can pawn this off for…" Megaman could only think of one solution. He gave a credit card and address to all of the ads. Having this, they got off him and ran away. "Um, was that my Mom's number you typed into all of those?" Lan asked, turning the sound back on. "No" he lied quickly.

After Megaman bought and used a subchip to heal himself, he went back to the toaster's site, but before he got there, a mettaur leaped out. It was a different color than the other mettaurs Megaman had seen before. "Behold! The new me! For countless minutes I persevered, and now, I am… mettaur 2! With more hp, more attack, and…" crunch! Megaman stomped on it repeatedly. "Same old, same old." He entered the toaster's page.

"So, what's the problem?" Megaman asked the program in the center of the room. "I can't take it anymore! I have a powerful computer mind, but I am stuck doing a simple, demeaning task forever!" The program attacked it's wrist with a spork, but to no avail. "Try this," said Megaman, who gave it a sword chip. A wicked smile came onto the program's face, and it escaped into the rest of the internet. "Guess I'll just have to disconnect the toaster," muttered Lan.

He tried to jack out Megaman, but found something was blocking the signal. Megaman whipped around. "Bass? What are you doing here?" It was indeed bass who was blocking the signal. "You see, I thought that instead of waiting until the end of the game, when you were stronger, I thought it might be better to crush you now." He started charging up a ridiculously large energy ball. "You know what to do now, right Lan?" "Yeah. Running away routine, set…" "Don't execute me!" Megaman finished, as he bolted away.

Bass threw the huge energy ball at him. Megaman quickly shoved an NPC in front of him, which took the brunt of the blow. "Look, can't we settle our differences with something nice and wholesome, like Russian roulette?" "No." Bass blew up the panel behind him. "Shoot! Cornered! I guess I have no choice but to fight."

Please review! Chapter 3 will be coming out soon.


	3. A tale of two toilets

Disclaimer: I do not own Megaman or Capcom

Chapter 3: A tale of 2 toilets

"You can't keep the game paused forever Megaman!" Bass ranted. "You know, he kind of has a point Megaman. What are we going to do?" "The lifesword combo might work," suggested Lan's navi. "No can do. I don't have that in my hand." "Hand? What new delusion is this?" "I thought you knew how the system. I select thirty chips and put them into a bag. Then, I draw out five at random, and I can only replace the chips I use." "Why would anyone be so blisteringly stupid?"

Some years ago… "Look, can we not bring that incident up again, ok?" "I just can't see how anyone could be stupid enough to abduct a "Trojan cow" filled with C4." "I'm telling you, those area 51 people are pretty crafty!" "Whatever. Have you found a suitable alternative yet?" "No. I tried abducting a human, but not only do they taste bad, they don't know how to play scrabble correctly! I mean, they just choose any tiles they want out of a folder, and insert them into their electric scrabble machines!"

"You and your dumb scrabble obsession! One can only hope that you didn't use all of our budget to try and fix the problem with some sort of brain implant!" "Ummm... Bad news then…" "My dreams of an intergalactic fast food empire…ruined…" "What are you doing with that phaser? Seriously, it's not funny. I-" BZZZZZZZZT

Back in the present, Lan looked at Megaman with a dangerous glint in his eyes, and spoke with a soft voice with dangerous undertones. "Are you questioning the magic scrabble system, Megaman?" Megaman couldn't answer in the negative fast enough. "Well, good. Now what chip do you want to use? There's sissy slap, super whine, heal negative 2, bad pun based insult, and… A holy hand grenade? How'd that chip get in our wimpy start up folder?" "Sometimes it pays to know the right cheat code websites."

Lan downloaded the chip, and the powerful weapon appeared in Megaman's hand, who pulled the pin. Bass, seeing this, stopped charging up his own weapon and raised his aura instead. Megaman was about to throw it at Bass, but suddenly heard a crunching noise. He whirled around to see a mettaur munching on a bag of popcorn as he watched the fight. "Don't let him intimidate you! Give him the old one-two, Bass!" The mettaur said as well as other clichéd and unhelpful advice to bass. "Smug, arrogant little !$, !" Megaman threw the grenade.

"Whoa! That mettaur hat must be in orbit now!" "You fool! Now what will you do?" Lan responded. "I'll think of something…" Bass didn't bother to charge up his attack this time, and zapped Megaman with an energy bolt. From a quick glance to the corner of the screen, Megaman saw he only had 10 hp left. "Wait! Before you delete me, can I write my will first? I'll give you 20 of my stuff." "Stop stalling, I know you're just waiting for the custom meter to fill up"

"Shoot! Not as gullible as I hoped." Desperately, Megaman jumped up, grabbed the custom meter, and started shaking it violently. Suddenly, the words "tilt" appeared on the screen. A giant pinball shot towards Megaman. "Ironic…" thought Lan, "When I play pinball, the machine always says "You have no balls" no matter how many zenny I put in" Megaman managed to dive under the ball. By now, the custom meter was full again. "It looks like our best bet is the cannon chip I got to replace the hand grenade one" Megaman agreed, and Lan downloaded that one.

Megaman didn't waste any ammo on viruses, and fired straight at bass. A stick came out of his buster, and a banner unfurled from it that read "Bang". Bass doubled over laughing. Suddenly, a civil war style cannon fell out of the blue, crushing Bass. Megaman used this opportunity to run away as his opponent hurled curses after him. He was soon out of reach of the jamming field, and jacked out.

A while later, after watching a news program about a mysterious sword wielding program that had gone around attacking people's navis, Lan had to inevitably use the bathroom. "Augh! The toilet won't flush!" Lan looked at the pipes beneath the toilet. Instead of the normal set up, there was only one fat green pipe not connected to anything. Lan thought he saw a small character wearing overalls and a red shirt with a red cap duck back into it, and rubbed his eyes.

Soon, he was talking to Megaman. "Now, think carefully… what do you think could have caused the problem?" "A misplaced Mario crossover?" guessed Megaman. "No! It can only be the work of a virus!" "Is there anything that doesn't look like a good idea to hook up to the internet to you?" Lan just shook his head. "So, let me guess? I have to go into the sewer system of the net, go through a series of "puzzles" so easy a mettaur could do, or some other gimmick, and then fight a boss?" "You left out the random virus encounters" Lan added in cheerfully.

Meanwhile, in the sewer system… "Those fools at the insurance company thought they destroyed the document showing the only remaining loophole! But nothing can stop me! Nothing!" ranted the same evil genius from the previous chapter. "You know, you're not the one who has to look around in this sludge" grumbled one of his odd navis. "Anyways, it appears that Megaman isn't actually dead. So you need to lure him into a confrontation with the mysterious insane sword wielding program that's sprung up"

"Why am I doing this?" wondered Megaman. "Why am I swimming through a cybernetic sewer system to get rid of just one virus?" "Well, it obviously ties into the greater plot." "Our games have a plot?" "Never mind that. Look, a sewer grate!" "You say that as if something miraculous happened, like this game actually making sense for a change." But Megaman, nonetheless, walked up to it. "It appears to have a computer pad where we can enter a password… but how are we going to find that out?" He then saw that somebody had attached a post-it note saying: "hint: 1+1?"

"Oh." Megaman typed in 2, but the computer said it was incorrect. "Consider how smart the guy who designed this must be if he needs a hint to remember a one digit number" suggested Lan. Megaman typed in 3, and that seemed to work. The grate rose open. Suddenly, Gutsman came bursting in behind him. "NOOOO! It's a trap!"

"Aren't you supposed to say stuff like that after I spring the trap?" "Oh, oops. Go on, pretend you don't know that the grate's going to close behind you." Megaman looked as if he was about do to so, but then grabbed Gutsman and tried to throw him down on the spot where the gate would close. However, Gutsman was just too heavy. "The one time this game is realistic…" Megaman lamented.

Gutsman attempted to do the same to Megaman, but he leaped backwards, albeit tripping and falling in the process. Falling right onto the spot where Gutsman would have flung him. "Well, at least Gutsman's method of doing that would probably have been more painful then yours" Lan said as Gutsman rushed past him, causing the gate to fall down and pin him. "Crud! Now I'm totally helpless if something attacks!" "What are the odds of another random encounter?" Megaman managed to look up and see a huge line of viruses coming towards him. "You just had to say it, didn't you?"

A weird navi that looked sort of like a toilet with legs and arms came towards Megaman from another direction, carrying a piece of bread, speaking to himself for the sake of moving the story on. "I bet that one rogue program can't resist doing it's original job." However, he soon saw Megaman, trapped beneath the grate. "Is it just me, or are games getting easier these days?" Sensing the start of a long lecture, all the viruses that had been approaching Megaman quickly escaped. "In my day, we didn't have any fancy extra lives or save points. No sir, if we died, we had to…" Megaman groaned. He had the feeling that one danger had been traded for an even bigger one.

Suddenly, the sword wielding program came running down the sewer tunnel, intent on stopping the lecture. It used its sword to slash through the grate, eager to get at Toiletman. "Hey! You're supposed to be attacking him!" Toiletman threw the bread off in another direction, and bolted. Megaman quickly picked himself up. "Hey, aren't you the one who first gave me this sword chip?" "That means were allies, right?" "No, it means I want to beat you up to get more from you."

REVIEW. REVIEW. REVIEW.


	4. Insert corny chapter title here

Disclaimer: I do not own Capcom or any Megaman spinoffs.

Due to the fact that I got only one review for chapter 3, I have been forced to do the unthinkable… post another chapter! However, maybe this is a good thing, as by now you probably have forgotten how bad this fic is. This will work because I'm reasonably sure that I can delay the case to have a warning label reading "bad Fanfic" put on my story long enough that by the time it does happen, it'll be too late and everyone will already have read this. Muwahhahah.

Chapter 4: (Insert corny chapter name here)

The program started towards Megaman, sword in hand. Suddenly, everything seemed to slow down. "Wow!" the navi thought. "I've always read about this happening in really corny action books! Now I'll go into a mad frenzy, and…" He was cut off when the saber slashed through his arm, severing it from the rest of his body. Megaman, to his growing horror, realized that he was the one moving in slow motion. "Lan, you're the operator! Do something!" "Don't worry; I've already placed an order for a large number of cyburritos." "If there's one thing we don't need, it's more bathroom humor, bad puns, and a dumb plan you got off of countless bad internet jokes."

Even then, Protoman was running up to grab Megaman's body part again, but he was ready this time. He quickly shoved Protoman into the program's sword, blocking a possible other severed body part. Megaman's rival collapsed to the floor in a heap. But before Megaman could get out of the way again, the crazed program was already slashing at him again, scoring a deep cut in the unfortunate navi's side. "Okay, okay, you win! Take all my crummy chips!" Megaman thrust out a large pile of chips. The program ignored him and thrust at his chest with what would have been a killing blow. However, as soon as the sword touched the pile of chips, the program released it, as the handle had grown red and very hot.

The whole sword started smoking, and soon it was nothing more than a pile of ash. Megaman looked at the pile of chips and saw that, amazingly, one of them was an anti-sword. "Woohoo! I'm saved!" exclaimed Megaman. "Curses! Foiled by a lack of faith in the 1st law of fanfiction: Whenever the protagonist is about to get killed, some bizarre coincidence always saves him!" muttered the program. It bent down and picked up a cannon chip that had fallen out of the pile of chips. "Well, let's see if it can happen again!" The program activated the chip, aiming at Megaman, who was busy searching for his megabuster arm that had gotten lopped off. A large truck barreled out of nowhere and slammed into the miscreant program, sending it sailing into a fatal crash with the wall. The truck screeched to a halt seconds before it hit Megaman.

A program in a taco bell uniform hopped out of the truck. "Someone order 100 cyburritos around here?" "HA! I told you my plan would work!" Lan said accusingly at his navi. Megaman groaned, knowing that before the day was over, he would have to hear "I told you so" at least a thousand times. "You can keep your burritos," he said grumpily.

"_What!_" the program cried. "Do you know how long it took to make those cyburritos?" A crazed look had come into the taco bell worker's eye, the look that only appears on one who has handled innumerable quantities of mad cow infested cybeef. Megaman prayed that Lan would have the sense to jack him out now. Unfortunately, his operator was already practicing how to say "I told you so" in front of a mirror to perfect its annoyance value. A panel opened up on the taco truck, and a long, flexible hose extended out of the truck. Megaman tried to run, but the program tackled him to the ground. He started to protest, but the hose shot into his open mouth, and started shooting cyburritos down the navi's gullet with gut churning speed.

When Lan finally got around to checking on his navi, he found Megaman lying on the ground, his stomach bloated. "I_ told you_ so_!_" "Lan, look what your stupid plan did to me! Nothing that rouge program could've done to me would be worse than this!" Megaman groaned, cybeef and nettuce spilling out of his mouth. "Job well done!" thought Lan. After a brief trip to the hospital to get Megaman's stomach pumped, Megaman was good to go, minus what tiny remaining amount of respect he had for Lan's unusual battle strategies. "Oh well, at least that idiot probably forgot about the toilet virus I was supposed to eliminate in the first place..." "Okay, Megaman! Are you ready to eliminate that toilet virus now?" "Why god? Why?" Megaman sobbed.

Meanwhile, back at the base of the unnamed evil villain… "So, Toiletman, have you found the second piece of data for that document yet?" asked the villain. "Yes, and I've managed to lure that odd sword wielding program to him. Does this mean I get a raise?" "No. According to the book _Being a Clichéd evil villain for dummies_, I'm only supposed to motivate you through yelling at you. "I can see why you need the _for dummies_ version…" muttered the urinal based navi. "Shut up!" yelled the evil antagonist.

In the sewers, Megaman was still looking for Lan's supposed toilet virus. "I'm telling you Lan, I've been sloshing around in here for hours! If there was a toilet virus here, I'd have found it already!" "You haven't checked that green mystery data over there…" Lan suggested. "Lan, I've checked that data 3 times already, and every time it just said "The mystery data was a virus!" Don't you learn anything from past experiences?" "I know it says that! We _want_ to find a virus!" insisted Lan. Megaman sighed and walked over to the data. "You got...heal negative 2 C, and an insane desire to pump your fist in the air excitedly despite getting an incredibly useless chip!" read the resulting text box.

"Must..not…pump…fist…" Megaman struggled to keep his arm down, but then the text box changed to say, "Just kidding! It's a virus! Just like the last 3 times! Duh!" The screen flashed, and a mettaur appeared in front of our unfortunate protagonist. "Yes, it is once again I, Mettaur! Stand back in amazement at the incredible variety of enemies in this game!" After dispatching the virus, Megaman turned back to Lan. "Look, it's hopeless! Even you can't go on maintaining your '_toilet virus_' delusion this long!" "Oh, yes I can! Just watch me! And it's not a delusion! What about that odd toilet shaped navi you saw in chapter 3?" "That was just a fluke!" Megaman said irritably, not wanting to admit that his operator had a semi valid point this time. Suddenly, a thought whirled into our digital hero's brain…

"Wait! I just realized something! With Junkman and that toilet navi, that makes 2 distinct enemy navis we've seen recently! This can only be explained by one thing…" he announced gravely. "What? The mass media? Aliens? O .J. Simpson? Big Oil?" Lan continued to rattle off a list of increasingly absurd names, until Megaman shouted, "No! None of those! Don't you see, Lan? This can only be explained if it means some kook villain has some sort of evil plot to take over the net! I mean, have you noticed that that's the only time unique navis appear, instead of just bland ones like that one?" Megaman pointed to a humanoid navi walking past. "Hi! Did you know you can buy subchips at the shop?" the navi said. "Megaman, how can you possibly call him bland? He clearly used an exclamation point in his sentence!" Lan remarked.

"Yes, but watch what happens when I talk to him again…" Turning back to the navi, he said: "Of course I know I can buy subchips at the shop! What else would I buy there? Fried prunes in orange sauce?" "Hi! Did you know you can buy subchips at the shop?" the navi replied. "See what I mean? And it's not just that! He's been pacing along that same path for the entire time I've been down here!" "Wait!" exclaimed Lan. "Does this mean that there's not just one virus clogging my toilet? Does it mean…" Lan gasped, "that there's an entire army of evil navis out there following some sort of master plot dreamt up by some evil genius dedicated solely to ruining my toilet?"

"NO! NO! NO! GET THIS THROUGH YOUR THICK HEAD, YOU MORON! THERE IS NO PLOT TO CLOG YOUR FRIGGIN TOILET!" Megaman screamed in frustration. "What this does mean is that we need to investigate and find out what exactly this evil geniuses' NON TOILET RELATED plot is and stop it before he finishes his plot and we're sucked into some sort of fiendish final boss encounter."

Lan sighed. "I guess you might be right, Megaman… I've never seen you use all capital letter's like that before.." "Good. Now jack me out of this sewer before I rot to death in here…"

And so the adventure to stop the so far unnamed evil genius begins! I'd like to note that I accept anonymous reviews. So please review, even if you're not logged in at the time.


	5. The chapter between chapters 4 and 6

Disclaimer: This Fanfic may contain the same disclaimer at the top of every chapter despite the disclaimer only needing to be put on the first chapter.

Thanks for the review, Slacker Hunter! As per your advice, I'm updating now…

Chapter 5: The chapter between chapters 4 and 6

At precisely 7 A.M. in the morning, Lan's alarm clock went off. And at precisely 7 A.M. and 3 nanoseconds, Lan's alarm clock promptly got thrown into the ground violently. "I'll never understand why Gutsman can't fathom me ordering an alarm clock for Lan over the internet when I already come equipped with my own alarm clock," muttered Megaman. With somewhat less precision, Lan yawned and woke up at about 9:38 A.M. "You know Lan, if you're capable of sleeping through that alarm clock, then why are you always destroying it?" Megaman asked. "I need to get in my day's worth of machine abusing to be able to wake up properly. It's like coffee for me." "Maybe you should switch to decaf."

"Whatever." After Lan picked up the pieces of his alarm clock and left for school, Megaman contemplated the peace and quiet he had without Lan around. "Finally, I can…" SLAM! "I'm home!" Lan hollered as he slammed the front door shut. "Crud. I forgot school only consists of 15 second cutscenes in this game," Megaman thought. "Okay Lan, back to where we left off last chapter…I think the first clue we may have is to try and find out what document Junkman stole from Scilab's garbage bin. You jack me in, and I'll find that out, and you can go eat glue or do whatever it is you do when I'm not around. Oh, and try to do some investigating too." "Right." For once, Lan complied with his navi's request, jacking him in and then running off to somewhere else.

For a little, Megaman pondered the wisdom of sending Lan off on his own, but quickly got over it. "He'd only hinder me here anyways… unless, of course, I get into a boss battle where I need to use battle chips… but what are the odds of that happening?" he wondered out loud. "About the same odds of a huge cannon falling on top of me?" "Whoa!" Megaman spun around to see Bass standing only a few panels away from him. "Listen, Bass I hope you're not still mad about what happened the last time we met," Megaman said as he slowly backed away. "Don't worry. I'm not mad. I'm merely enraged. Now, I've chosen a particularly ironic death for you this time." "I can hardly wait." Megaman said as he sprinted off in the other direction, only to fall and trip over a mettaur.

"Revenge at last!" cried the Mettaur. Bass started walking towards Megaman, speaking calmly. "You see Megaman, I'm going to delete you using your own Megaman M megachip." "I have my own Megachip?" In response, Bass activated the chip. A duplicate Megaman appeared in front of the real version. With a cry of "Stupid Mettaur!", it stomped on the virus than the real Megaman had tripped over and promptly disappeared. "Wait, that's it? That's all it does?" Bass asked incredulously. "Yes! Saved by my own chip's weakness!" cheered Lan's navi. "I can't use any chips without Lan, so I guess I'll have to improvise," he thought. And with that, Megaman grabbed the pickaxe of the mettaur he had tripped over and hurled it through the air at Bass. "GAAA! My eye!" the antagonist wailed as the mining instrument home. "You'll pay for this!"

"Okay, Okay! Here's your payment!" Megaman flung a 50 zenny coin at bass. The coin managed to lodge itself firmly in Bass's undamaged eye socket. "You may have gotten my other eye, but you can't blind me! This game's played in 3rd person!" Bass cried. He charged up a huge energy blast and aimed at Megaman. Suddenly, a huge vortex from another dimension opened, and out stepped the CEO of Capcom. "Great news, guys! From now on, all net-battles in your games will be done in first person!" "What? You can't just-" Bass started to protest, but the CEO exited through the portal he came through. Meanwhile, Megaman had escaped.

At the scilab homepage, Megaman asked one of Navis standing around who he could speak with to learn about what was stolen from the scilab's recycle bin. "I think that progam over there knows. He's been malfunctioning lately, and he just acquired a license for a gun, and he's slightly drunk right now, but assuming that his drunkenness makes him miss most of shots, I'm reasonably sure he won't be able to kill you without reloading at least once." Thus reassured, Megaman walked over to the program. It was wearing a tuxedo and drinking a martini.

"Um…Hi," said Megaman. "My name's Prog… James Prog," replied the program. "Right…say, where'd you get that martini? I thought Capcom had a strict E rating only policy for this series of games." "I have a license to kill," James Prog said cryptically. "So…What was that file that Junkman stole from the scilab recycle bin?" "If I told you that, I'd have to kill you." "Hmmmmm…." Megaman thought this over for a while, then suddenly got an idea.

Elsewhere, Bass was stumbling about blindly on the net, muttering about revenge. Suddenly, a voice rang out behind him. "Hey, Bass, over here!" "Huh? Is that Megaman's voice?" thought Bass, turning around. "I was hoping to make a deal with you. I'll give you this replacement eyeball in exchange for you helping me out with a certain program." Bass fired blindly at the source of the voice. "Thanks for agreeing to my deal. I'll be waiting for you at the scilab homepage." Bass heard something plop on the ground in front of him. Reaching down, he picked up a small, squishy spherical object. Hesitantly, he tried putting it in his eye socket that had the eye removed by the pickaxe. It worked, he could see again. "Now to kill that idiot at scilab," Bass muttered, and headed off towards the agreed meeting place.

At the scilab home page, Megaman watched Bass barge into the homepage, blasting all the navis that got in his way. Megaman called out to Bass as he approached him. "Hi, Bass! Before you take your revenge on me, there's someone I want you to meet. Bass, meet James Prog. James Prog, meet-" "GoldenEye! My enemy!" Prog yelled, noting Bass's replacement eyeball color. "What the-" Bass didn't complete his sentence before the program had drawn its handgun and shot Bass repeatedly. Bass gave a grunt of pain and unleashed an energy blast that knocked the gun out of the program's hand. "Now I've got you, you-ARGHH!" Bass cried as he got shot with a laser beam extending out from James Prog's watch. "The villains always forget about the gadgets, don't they?" Megaman thought.

"Enough of this!" Bass roared, blasting James Prog to pieces with a powerful energy bolt. "My plan's gone well so far. Now, if only Bass died of those gunshot and laser wounds, it would be perfect," considered Megaman. But Bass continued straight towards Megaman. "This is ridiculous! You've had a cannon dropped on you, a pickaxe been sent through your eye socket, and you've been shot multiple times with a handgun and a laser! Doesn't anything _ever _kill you?" asked Megaman, exasperated. "No! Nothing can destroy me! I'll just keep coming back for sequel after sequel after-Oops!" Bass yelped as he slipped on a piece of glass from the martini glass James Prog had dropped. He stumbled over the side of the panel he was standing on, falling off the side of the scilab homepage and into the endless void below.

"Finally! Now to get what I came here for!" Megaman walked over to the scattered wreckage of James Prog. He bent down and picked up a circuit board off the ground. "By scanning this memory chip, I should be able to determine what file Junkman took from the recycle bin," he mused. After scanning it, Megaman finally had knowledge of the evil villain's plan. "It was a piece of the document explaining the fabled loophole in Geico's insurance policy! With this, and the other 3 pieces of the document," Megaman gasped, "he could save 15 percent or more on his car insurance! I've got to stop him!"

So, thus ends chapter 5. As always, I appreciate reviews. Even anonymous ones.


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